Posted by: Vicky | January 17, 2011

Unexpected pitfalls of online dating with your housemate

Well, I didn’t think to expect it anyway, even though perhaps I should have.

A very cute if quite a bit older guy waved at me on the dating site (it’s like poking someone on Facebook, but sounds less rude). After checking out his profile, I waved back. My housemate, who was looking over my shoulder told me she’d be jealous if he emailed me, because he’d waved at her twice, but not actually messaged her.

We’re both of the opinion that the guy should start the conversation. She believes that women generally end up doing more of the work building and sustaining the relationship (communicating and all) and so it’s only fair that the guy should at least make an effort at the beginning. Me, I’m just too cowardly to make the first move. If I waved at someone and they waved back, that would leave the ball in my court, which as far as I’m concerned is a very bad place for the ball to be. I have no idea how to start a conversation with a complete stranger on an online dating site.

As a side note: To the guy who waved at me and then sent me the following message after I’d waved back: “Dear Vicky, I’d like to get to know you better. Email me at if you’re interested. Take care, Lazy.”
If you want to get a conversation going, you have to ask a question. Or say something worth replying to. You’ve just sent me an email saying you’re vaguely interested, but can’t be bothered to actually think of anything to talk about. I’m afraid I feel the same way about you. I guess I could try and craft an email that says the same kind of thing and see where it goes. How long could we both avoid actually starting the conversation properly? I’d quite like to do that as an experiment. But I just can’t be bothered. Sorry. It’s nothing personal. I’m just lazy and shy and a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to writing emails and other correspondence.

Back to the older but cute guy. He sent me a message last night. Apparently he loves Switzerland. A lot. It’s a great place. (Works well as a conversation starter, too.) Being me, I got all freaked out about my first online dating message. Eventually I managed to calm down and craft a reply, which I read out to my housemate to check for appropriateness.

After inspecting all the guys who’d waved at me, and a couple who hadn’t, we logged out of my account and logged back into my housemate’s account for more fun times.

And found cute older Switzerland fan had messaged her as well. In fact, apart from the stuff about Switzerland, she had exactly the same message I’d received. Initially I was quite taken aback, but I guess on a site like this, once you’ve taken the time to write an opening message that works, it makes sense to reuse it. I should be honoured that I got a personalised version. (Except it’s Switzerland he likes, not actually me)

My housemate said she wouldn’t write back to him because I seemed to like him so much. But I just get enthusiastic about things, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. He is very cute, but he’s at least 13 years older than me (my housemate thinks that’s the perfect age even though she’s only 2 years older than me herself) and I’ve just met his online dating profile. So I’m not fussed either way.

But now I am thinking that we should probably let him know that we’re housemates and, being girls, we will be comparing notes. Probably even reading each other’s correspondence (with each other’s permission, of course). It wouldn’t be fair not to tell him. Plus, if either of us did become friends with him (it wouldn’t have to be any more than friends!) it would be quite weird to have to explain the situation further down the line…

I got another message from him today describing what he loves about Switzerland and I don’t know how to answer.

In all honesty, I’m tempted to give him my dad’s email address, I think they’d be perfectly suited ;-)


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